Stay Sane Through Change

Easter '07 - Taking on A New Identity After Your Loss

Date : April 10, 2007

Easter 2007 Newsletter from Stay Sane Through Change
Taking on a new identity after your loss


Spring has just sprung upon us and with it some freshness
in the air. The daffodils will soon be in bloom and we can
savor the beauty of the flowers in our garden that we
labour for. It is significant at this time of the year,
many of us clean out our homes and surroundings in the
traditional ‘spring cleaning’ fashion. Spring is a season
for renewal. It is also noteworthy that Easter is
celebrated at the beginning of spring. The Easter message
is that of hope, life after death; an old thing becoming
new. This Easter season we would like to offer you this
message of hope in terms of a new identity after your loss.

If you have lost your spouse due to divorce you face a
transition period in which your sense of identity is lost.
If you lost a loved one to death, you enter a period of
deep introspection when you question how you can live your
life without that loved one. A significant part of you was
lost and you never seem to be whole again. Your sense of
identity is lost.

Who am I- the case of a lost identity /sense of identity?

Your loss brought so much devastation to you. For a long
time you questioned who you really are. Your spouse left
you and the kids to take on a different life. Over the
years your family identity had been that of a double parent
family with children living in the same house. That was
shattered. Your social identity used to be linked to being
the spouse of Mr. X. or Mrs. Y. That is no more the
situation. In terms of community identity, your interaction
with neighbours at home and members of the clubs you
belong had changed- you do not seem to be the same person
any more.
Your economic identity was based on the class of the income
level that your double-income family (or significant single
income) had procured. A nice family home with decent
amenities, and adequate finances to meet your family needs
were all part of the status quo. The status quo is no more
a status quo. It had been destroyed.
If you were part of a mixed marriage, you must have taken
some time to build up some unique combination of ethnic
identity based on a mixture of yours and your former
spouse’s. With the divorce or the death of your loved one,
this unique ethnic identity was blown apart. A most
significant part of your being is your spiritual self- the
way you identify yourself with God your creator. Marriage
is a spiritual union and as a spouse you might have learnt
to see God and relate to Him through and with your former
spouse. Your divorce or the death of your spouse involves
loss of part of your spiritual self. Your sense of
spiritual identity is lost


Discovering a new identity

Easter is a season of new hope. However, new hope is always
difficult especially if you cling tenaciously to a former
type of life that is no more real. For you to find a new
identity or sense of identity, you need to come to terms
with the fact that your old way of life is gone- things
will never be exactly the same as they were when you had
your former spouse.
The hope of Easter is the assurance that despite the fact
that things cannot be the same as they used to be, you can
actually have brightness in a NEW kind of life. You can
discover a new social/community identity as you find new
avenues for friendship and companionship. As you seek new
ways of nurturing yourself, new opportunities for boosting
your self-esteem and new avenues for expressing your self
creatively, you can discover a new sense of identity. A new
family identity may take a long time to form. However, you
need to start seeing yourself in a new way in your
different role as a single parent. Joining a faith
community will go a long way in helping you discover a new
spiritual identity.
Remember that discovery comes when your eyes are open to
see them. Keep the eyes of your mind open. Recognize that
you can actually come to enjoy a NEW way of life.


Embracing a new identity

For you to develop your new sense of identity, you need to
embrace it. That requires spending some time in your newly
discovered opportunities. You need to keep on developing
those new avenues of friendship. You need to grip onto
those new measures that boost your self-esteem. You need to
give attention to those community involvements that support
you in your role as a single parent. Hold on to your new
ways of nurturing yourself. Hug those new opportunities.


Moving on with a new identity

The lesson of Easter is one of life after death. As you
embrace your newly discovered identity, keep on walking in
it. Allow the growth to take place. Do not stunt it. Enjoy
your new sense of identity. The past cannot be re-written.
However, you can fill this new slate of life that you have
with writings of truly great and memorable things.



As you welcome the freshness in the air this spring season,
take time to discover a bright new social, economic and
spiritual identity in your circumstances. This Easter
season, hold on to the hope of new life after death. Take
courage to embrace and move on with your newly discovered
identity!!!



For more resources on managing changes in your life ALL
YEAR ROUND, please visit
www.staysanethroughchange.com


If you prefer to LISTEN in to practical tips for staying on
top of your situation please click here.


Dave Webster and Tolu Adeleye, authors and life-change
experts, through their consultancy provide you and your
clients with tools for dealing with life transitions. Their
areas of expertise include family- and career-related
transitions.
To get instant access to such tools, visit
www.staysanethroughchange.com
You may reach the authors through
info@staysanethroughchange.com

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